Times Change But We Stay the Same

I keep waiting to hear it from someone, anyone, "My how you've changed!"

Physically I've changed, a little more sunburnt, a little blonder, hair's a little bit longer. But there hasn't been much change otherwise... I was under the impression that "college changes you SO much" but I haven't seen it, and I haven't heard of it.

Instead I hear "you're exactly the same" or "you haven't changed a bit". There's been no growth in regards to my personality, my sense of humor, nothing. I still laugh at things that were funny 4 years ago. I don't get it, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm not taking full advantage of my college experience because I haven't been subject to much change.

Maybe I'm just having a drama yo mama moment because it's finals and I'm leaving school and won't see people for 7 months.

Yeah... I think that's it...

Note to self

Go for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

April 26, 2008

Nikki's best friend from home, Riley came to visit and we got to see a side of Nikki that we haven't seen before. There's something so unique about the relationships we have with friends from "way back when". Having Riley around made me very aware of how amazing and diverse friendships are. This leads me to the fact that I had a perfect day yesterday.

We did not plan some giant road trip anywhere, we just putzed around in town. Shane's birthday is next week, but that's the week of graduation so we decided to have a surprise party for her. The plan was to take her out to Ross Dress For Less while some of our friends drove out to Freebirds and got burritos. Then we would meet at the rose garden infront of the Mission and have a grand old time.

She had no idea, it worked flawlessly, it was so fun at Ross, not because we were shopping but because we were working so hard to do something sweet for our friend. I love birthday's and preparing for them, surprises are the best- they show the person that they are so worth the effort. I don't really know how to explain but the gift of a pleasant surprise is one of my favorites.

After making new memories with my newer friends I went out to UCSB with Jon to visit the old. It was so great to just get together with people who know me so well and chill out. We saw the Legendary Albino Raccoon and all was well.

After that I went skinny dipping at 2 am haha, it was the most liberating thing in the world!!

I am so stinking happy and grateful that I know the people I know. I'm pretty sure this post doesn't convey how absolutely wonderful yesterday was, and that's fine, the fact that I have the memory is good enough for me.

I guess the moral of the story is, be with your friends however new or old they may be, and love them, love and be loved and never take advantage of such a precious gift of a good caring friend.

Martha.....Stewart???

Good News: Malaria pills are actually only $43, I switched brands (brilliant I know) and freaking AAA takes $20 off of typhoid pills.

FLIPPIN' SWEET!!

Bad News: Martha Stewart is plotting to subdue baby-kind via ridiculous costumes of food...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_-wj6ppCYM8

What has this world come to?

Catch My Disease

Polio.... Check (-$35)
Hepatitis A...Check (-$75)
Tetnus (3 years too late)... Check (-$45)

Malaria Pills (Approx -$300)
Typhoid Pills (Approx -$70)

According to my calculations I will be about $525 less rich....

As Em so eloquently put it, I felt like a five-year-old when I was told by the woman at the pharmacy that it would cost $370 to fill a prescription for Malaria and Typhoid. I'm making an assumption right now, that I should just bite the bullet and by my drugs, and that it'll be worth it.

But naturally I talked to Travis about the fact that he didn't have Malaria pills in Egypt and Emily who won't take an while she's in Africa.... I'm trying to figure out whether or not I'm nearly as reckless and thrifty as these folks.

I don't think I am... Ayyyye I need a get rich quick scheme pronto.

Well I guess I won't ever get Polio, Hepatitis A, or Tetnus (Well....for at least 10 years...)

That's good, right?

Oh Waves

So... it has taken me approximately 18 years to finally understand my dad's reasoning for naming me after Kirra Point in Australia.

I'm not really sure why it has taken me so long to realize that I was brought up to be surf rat (for whatever reason it didn't hit me until yesterday).

All I wanna do is go to the beach and attempt to catch waves. Needless to say my paddling out is downright embarrassing because I'm absolutely horrible at surfing... I can probably count on my hands and toes how many waves I've caught, the thing is, I'm finding that it isn't about how good you are, or how often you go out, it's about how you feel when you're out in the water, and how excited you are on your way home after a great day at the beach.

I guess I'm just super stoked because this realization has hit right before summer, so now I can set goals for myself to at least try to become more dedicated, and a better surfer. The skill may not be there, but I sure do love it, I have for awhile I think, but I've always been to scared of embarrassing myself. Well, I'm over that garbage, so now's the time to just start having fun trying.

Heheheheh I'm so stinking excited for this summer : )

Mary Speaks

Christian rock bands can kiss my butt.... Well ok not all of them, but I keep discovering over and over again, that they have NOTHING, not a dang THING on choral music...

Mary Speaks

Text by Madeleine L'Engle
Music by Daniel E. Gawthrop

O you who bear the pain of the whole earth, I bore you.
O you whose tears gave human tears their worth, I laughed with you.
You, who when your hem is touched, give pow'r, I nourished you.
Who turn the day to night in this dark hour, light comes from you.
O you who hold the world in your embrace, I carried you.
Whose arms encircled the world with your grace, I once held you.
O you who laughed and ate and walked the shore, I played with you.
And I, who with all others, you died for.
Now I hold you, now I hold you, now I hold you.
May I faithful to this final test,
In this last time I hold my child, my son;
His body close enfolded to my breast:
The holder held,
The bearer borne.
Mourning to joy, darkness to morn.
Open my arms, Open my arms.
Your work is done.

P.S. I cried every single time we sang this, because it focuses on something that we often forget...There's so much emphasis on Jesus as the son of God that we forget that he was also Mary's son, and that it must have been so painful for both of them to know what had to happen. I get really overwhelmed when I think about what that must have felt like, luckily though it all worked out in the end :)

Pride.

Pride has always been an issue, and my mom seemed to know that about me from the get go. Any time I was in an argument with a friend at school, or in need of a ride home, or just needed to ask somebody to help me with something- she would always remind me "You know, the seven deadly sins, Pride's one of them so you better just let go of it right now."

It isn't a pride where I'm better than everyone and their mother, it is a pride in being self- reliant, a... I am woman hear me roar type of pride.

Case in point (this just happened about five minutes ago): Graham and I were getting a ride home from Warren. I live on the bottom of campus, Graham lives at the top, so obviously if anybody were to walk anywhere, it would make more sense for me to walk downhill than for Graham to walk uphill. When Warren asked where we lived we answered in turn and right away I said "I'll just walk down from Emerson." Whether or not they were aware of this, both guys had the same reaction: They looked at one another then proceeded to say at the same time "Are you sure?" and "I'll walk up from V.K."

It took all my willpower not to argue for my way, because I realize that it might have unnerved them to think of me walking around campus at dark when Graham could have easily done it.

This idea of male as protector absolutely fascinates me, my father gave me no sense of comfort or protection growing up, so I've been raised "holding my own" so to speak. This doesn't mean I don't get scared or anything- walking around Westmont is freaking creepy at night when you're alone... but I think I have an issue with my pride and sense of independence. I feel like I should offer to be subject to discomfort just as easily as a guy would, even if I don't necessarily want to, it's just the fact that I know I'm capable (for the most part) of doing what guys do, they shouldn't feel like they always need to step it up for girls.

But maybe they do... and I'm just gonna have to accept that, for the majority of the time, guys seem to prefer (correct me if I'm wrong) to be the ones offering to go the extra mile, whether it be walking alone in the dark, or lifting the heavy object.

Who knows, "Not I" said the Pig.

Tis the Season

To get sunburned! Ouchie caboodles I have seen my fair- holy crap caboodles is a word? Weird... Anywho, I have seen way too many bright red individuals walking around on campus. PUT SOME SUNSCREEN ON YOU CRAZIES DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT SKIN CANCER!! It drives nuts, sure I like a good healthy looking tan, but jeez louise don't turn yourself into a piece of fried chicken for the sake of "looking good". Holy smokes... These people need to get their priorities straight- be able to wear a pair of jeans comfortably, or have the backs of your knees on fire.

It's that time of year again, where all we (students) want to do is lay out in the sunshine and frolic at the beach. Unfortunately this yearning is even stronger because the weather is very conducive to spending time outside versus locked away in our rooms writing papers and working on final projects.

The summer will come soon enough (or so I tell myself). I'm tempted to count down the days but I know that will just make me even more anxious about it.

Note to self.. Get typhoid pills before school's out. Typhoid, I know right? Apparently typhoid's pretty come in Indo... Who knew, I also have to get a Polio shot. Not stoked about that one bit.

SUMMER IS NEARLY HERE!!!! AHHHHH!!!

Vietnam

I am very thankful to say that despite earlier ranting about being tired of being in school, my education here has been amazing. A perfect example of this is the fact that we've been studying the Vietnam War for about two weeks now (and before I wouldn't have given the matter a second thought) but after reading Dear America: Letters Home from Vietnam edited by Bernard Edelman, I realize that books like this should be required reading. So much more emotion can be felt when you read letters that real flesh and blood men and women wrote to loved ones, versus a textbook paragraph about the whole affair. I have become painfully aware of how many mixed up feelings soldiers went through during their time overseas, and it makes me wonder about our own troops in Iraq. Hopefully this rambling will turn into more than me just be super emotional.

"If you are able,
save for them a place
inside of you
and save one backward glance
when you are leaving
for the places they can
no longer go.
Be not ashamed to say
you loved them,
though you may
or may not have always.
Take what they have left
and what they have taught you
with their dying
and keep it with your own.
And in that time
when men decide and feel safe
to call the war insane,
take one moment to embrace
those gentle heroes
you left behind.

- Major Michael Davis O'Donnell
1 January 1970
Dak To, Vietnam"

Even MLK had to grow up

Aw my Yaya saves me when I need to be calmed down.

Thank you Dana, and you are right, even MLK had to grow up.

Thank God for friends.

Back In Black

I was hurrying to my room when I heard that song blasting from somebody's room, and naturally my mind began making bizarre connections

Black:
Civil Rights
Restlessness
Nightmares
Alone

Last Friday was big fat civil rights remembrance day; we watched a video in history about the Civil Rights movement in the 50s, talked about the ironic fact that it was the anniversary of MLK's assassination, and I cried. Every other thing made me emotional, a song, a statement, an image... The fact that people could justify spraying 100 lbs of pressure on children because they were "black and protesting". The fact that we justify all of this b.s. that we do and find ways to make it ok. "Oh it's a fallen world, so that's why this is happening." Yea I get it- this wasn't what God intended, that still doesn't mean it's ok for stuff like this to be going on. I feel helpless and foolish calling that statement a cop out. "Darn fallen world can't be helped" even if that is the truth it still seems... far too... I can't explain....too easy. What's the point of our following Christ if all we do is fall back on the fact that we're in a fallen world? I understand that it is naive to think that we can fix all problems, but I would much rather attempt to figure stuff out than just sit back on the fact that the world isn't what it was supposed to be.

I think I'm just angry at myself, everybody I live with, just everybody in general. I feel restless and terrible about my own laziness and hypocrisy. All I want to do is drop out of school and DO something, but whenever I feel like that I'll be told "you know, people need to learn how to wait and to listen to God." I'm mad and I'm jealous of all those people who get to go out into the world and get their bearings. I haven't been forced to mull over anything in the past month and a half, and the fact that I need to feel forced to do so is equally pathetic. I'm disappointed in myself, my lack of drive, my ignorance.

Since coming home from Aunt Belle's funeral I have come off as funny and ever well adjusted, this is untrue. I have become prone to terrifying nightmares lately. The kind of nightmares where you wake up at 3 in the morning afraid to move a muscle for fear of something terrible happening. In last night's episode I witnessed the beating and kidnapping of somebody and was locked in a car- unable to help, helpless myself. I've mentioned these dreams to a few people and everybody just writes it off as stress.

Maybe I am stressed, but I have also developed an uncharacteristic unwillingness to be by myself in my room. Prior to Spring Break I was happy as a clam working on stuff alone in my room- this has not been the case since then, I'm easily creeped out. I'm alone right now, but it's taking all my willpower to stay put. This refusal to be alone (which occurred before the bad dreams) has been bothering me for awhile now. I have no idea what is going on I'm upset, frustrated, and deeply afraid a majority of the time.

Blah Blah blah GANDALF!

Hairy Legs vs. Waxed Legs

Contemporary Worship Songs vs. Classic Sympathy for the Devil

Light On vs Light Off

And so it goes, the constant dance of being a roommate.  Whilst one is moody and finding it necessary to focus on God while singing out loud, the other is sinfully listening to the Rolling Stones via headphones trying to read for history.

As usual I am the heartless heathen that needs to study that wants just one song playing and of course it would be the super groovy Sympathy for the Devil.  While the Stones are wondering who killed the Kennedy's I'm reading about JFK's administration and Addison's disease.  Gotta love US history.  

It truly is crunch time, and this is evident by the fact that I am doing everything in my power to do that which is not necessary for my GPA to stay up.  These activities include: leg waxing, Trader Joe's adventuring, applying for jobs, babysitting, singing, talking to my mom and eating food that I bought even though I don't have the means to.

ahhhh college I lurve it.  I also lurve the fact that this year will be over in a matter of....a few weeks

oh god

"I just can't believe it Kirra!! This fits you!  It's short on me, and you have a BIG BOOTY!!"

Thanks Cassidy....and Emily....for your support.

Of course being from Hawaii Josh is the only one that agrees with me that length does not matter because it's a beach dress.  Silly inlanders.

Meningitis and Bathroom Breaks

During a quick break in Child Development I took a quick trip to the library bathroom (don't worry it gets slightly more interesting). After situating myself I discovered a pair of white velcro shoes sticking into my stall from the other....

Now I dunno about everybody else, but I wasn't expecting a pair of feet to be keeping me company whilst doing my business.

Attached to the feet and shoes were a pair of legs, simply sitting in the fetal position apparently leaning on the stall door, I ventured as low of a glance as I could without being caught, but I couldn't discover who it was....or why the heck they were sitting huddled on the moist cold bathroom floor.

Now a quick trip to the restroom was turning into a mind teaser of sorts. Should I ask her what's wrong? Maybe she's sick.. If I were curled in a ball on a public bathroom floor would I appreciate some Biznatch next door asking me questions? Do I have time to sit and listen to her life story if it is in fact an emotional problem? Should I let somebody know that there's a seemingly silent and despondent human being on the floor?

Naturally I did the easiest thing and simply left her alone. But I couldn't stop thinking about that odd near interaction. Why the hell was she on the bathroom floor in the school library!?!?!?! Maybe it's not nearly as perplexing as I find it to be.... it just seems.... odd....

Speaking of Meningitis... Apparently I haven't had my Meningitis shot and that isn't something you let leak out on a college campus. I had mentioned it to Nadia in passing at dinner and she just stared at me, "I knew a guy who went to UCLA, got Meningitis and then died a week later."

Thanks Nadia, maybe now I'll develop a neurotic tendency about catching it. I asked Cassidy what it was, and she started describing Mono symptoms and I just wasn't buying it. Nobody even knows what Meningitis is!!! All anybody tells you is "Oh you'll regret it if you don't get your Meningitis shot." or ask "They let you into school, I thought it was required."

Ok honestly if it was nearly as bad as everybody makes it out to be don't you think doctors would push for you to get the shot? Just a scad more than just mentioning in passing before shipping you off to some school "it's RECOMMENDED that you get this shot". Jeez Louise and now I'm all on edge so I called my mom and left a message informing her that everybody who knew I didn't have my Meningitis shot was threatening my life, "a shot is WAY better than dying."

She responded about an hour later, and I'm pretty sure she lied "Oh yea that one.... And hepatitis C." What she actually meant was "No you haven't had a shot in the past 3 years."

Everybody else was talking about how painful this effing Meningitis shot was, I'm thinking that if I had gotten it I would've remembered and complained for at LEAST a week later. But I have no recollection of that so I'm pretty sure that I'll drop dead in a matter of seconds after contracting Meningitis.

No but seriously in the back of my head I'm worried that now that I've talked about it so much I'll actually get it. Kinda like when you say "Oh I haven't heard *fill in the blank* in a long time" and then all of a sudden that song plays on the radio. That's kinda how I feel Meningitis will end up being for me.

Is it even that common?

Death rate extrapolations for USA for Meningitis: 849 per year, 70 per month, 16 per week, 2 per day, 0 per hour, 0 per minute, 0 per second.


Uh.... really? Who even keeps track of that....

Third US History Test in T-Minus..... 13ish Hours

Needless to say... There are far more important things to be doing right, my bad.

I got sucked into Spring Sing some how, haha what a pun "sucked in" I'm going to be a black hole with Kellyn.  But no Spring Sing costume design until AFTER my history test, Erikson paper, and Lit for kids essay.

I should be reading up all about the Cold War right now but I just can't do it.  It's kind of a bummer though because I don't have anything very exciting to write about.... I just feel like writing to avoid this stinkin' test.  

All I want are crackers and cheese right now.... 

So there are about fifty billion terms we're supposed to memorize for this thing.... Blah

Well I know for sure that there were 5 big issues that the US and USSR just could NOT get together on, kinda like when you try to convince people who like vanilla that chocolate is just as good, if not better, and they just won't listen.  

1. The Future of Poland was a toss up if I ever saw one.

2. The Future of Germany also couldn't be reconciled.  The US wanted to build Germany back up, help back on their feet, but USSR was pretty sketched out that the Germans would try and expand again.

3. Other East European govt's were testing grounds, whatever that means

4. We had opposing views about how to reconstruct the world economy.  The US was into capitalistic free trade and a world bank, the USSR preferred communism.

5. On top of all these squabbles there was a BIG deal of a disagreement going on about atomic bombs.  Blech.

Oh crap we're also covering the Great Depression... Jeez Louise I'm slightly overwhelmed....  But only slightly because Hump day is tomorrow and then the weekend will roll around HOOORRRAAAAYYY